Friday, August 31, 2018

Last Time Mom Series: 14 Weeks Til Now

It's been a really eventful 4 and a half months since I've last updated you all, but I suppose I can do so now. Seeing that I'm almost done!!!

There's been so much going on!

So let's start with dad. I've since told him and he is happy. Whatever the situation is... It's what it is. I just want an active father in my child's life and as it stands he is being just that. He is excited about our new baby and that's all I want.

Now onto the results of the NIPT. Well, the test came back as low risk for the genetic disorders that I was tested for. I definitely breathed a sigh of relief there.

I received the call about my test results over the phone from my midwife's office maybe a week after having my blood drawn. I expected it to take a bit longer, but of course I wasn't complaining. I actually missed the call and had to call the office back. The midwife assured me that my risk for any genetic abnormality was extremely low. She then asked, "So do you want to know the sex of the baby?" With a huge sigh and not knowing what to expect I said. "Uh yeah! Sure." My midwife asked me what did I think I was having. I told her, "I'm assuming another girl. I don't know. It's just that I have 3 already and I figure this will be yet another...."

My midwife said, "Well you might want to get ready to switch things up a little and start buying everything blue because this baby is a boy!"

I'm all, "hoomagawd! Hoomahgawd!" I wasn't excited and not upset... Just shocked! I've gone from dreaming of having twin girls to convincing myself that I was kind of incapable of having a boy. And to be honest it wasn't like I was hoping for one in particular.

My midwife asked me how I felt about it and I just told her that I wasn't expecting a boy. With so many little girls in the family and just being used to raising girls having a boy never really felt like a possibility. She congratulated me and that was it.

I must admit. I wasn't convinced for a while. Like how does a test really determine a child's sex by drawing and testing a mother's blood? So I waited for my anatomy scan to officially confirm what was told to me.

Now in between that time my symptoms began to wane. Yes I had the aches and pains that comes along with pregnancy, but nothing really outlandish.

When came time for my 20 week anatomy scan I was really anxious. I felt like I knew everything was going to be okay, but I needed for them to tell me that I wasn't really having a boy. Again, not because I didn't want one, but it's not what I had convinced myself that I was having.

The dad had a detail that day and could not get off of work that early to come with me. It really wasn't a problem to me especially when I knew that he'd be easy to reach to let him know everything that went on after it was all over. No worries.

During the scan they confirmed that this baby is sure enough a boy and funny enough I was relieved. There was no mistaking either. He let the whole world know! Everything seemed to check out fine. The tech kept saying how everything looked perfect. However, she spent a significant time on his heart for some reason. It wasn't a cause for concern for me since I didn't even know what she was looking at specifically. She then told me that she was all done, but to hang tight. A few minutes later she came back in with another ultrasound tech. I'm looking like, "ooookay. What's going on?" The other tech said, "Hey I just wanted to check you again because it seems that she (the first tech) couldn't get a clear view of his face." So I sat back thinking, "Hmmm... okay, but she said everything looked great."

Now, I guess baby was completely over the whole ultrasound because he turned his back and wouldn't cooperate any further. This is when the tech said that he was missing a nasal bone. My heart sped up and I'm thinking, "wtf does that even mean?" She said that it's a marker for Downs Syndrome. Uh wait... what? How? Especially when the test that I took earlier put me at the lowest risk? She went on to say that if I took the genetic test and it came back low risk then more than likely he does not have Downs Syndrome and that the absence of the nasal bone is actually quite common in African American babies as opposed to white babies so she wouldn't be too worried. Again I'm thinking, "Ooookay?? I'm confused, but I mean if it's not a huge concern considering my test results and my race then why are you making it as big of a deal?" She continues saying that I should really consider getting a fetal echo-cardiogram and an amniocentesis. Uh what???? Then they sent me on my way.

My mind was just all over the place. I felt like I was getting mixed information. I didn't know what to feel, believe, or consider doing. In no way did I expect to possibly have a child with such a special need as Downs Syndrome. That would be a lot on top of already having a special needs child.

All day at work I went between crying, fighting back tears, and convincing myself that it couldn't possibly be that my baby has Downs Syndrome. I was so caught up in the shock of the news that I totally forgot to contact the dad. It wasn't until he text me later that afternoon did I realize I hadn't said a thing to him about it.

I told him that baby was definitely a boy and sent him shots of all of the pictures that they printed for me. I then told him what they told me. He told me that he was definitely going to the follow up appointments and to let him know when they would be. He allowed me to voice my concern and frustration and fears and just everything. And the thing that I adore about him though is that he's not afraid to express the same. It's not hard at all. It's effortless. I needed to see that he cared enough to be scared, sad, upset, etc.

After I was done speaking to him I received a call from my midwife's office going over my ultrasound that I had that day which was very vague. She also mentioned that I would need to start having monthly ultrasounds to monitor growth and had set me up for genetic counseling. So not only do you want to further investigate the missing nasal bone.... You have concerns about his growth, his heart, and want me to attend genetic counseling? DIS TEW MUCH!

And to think I had to wait 3 agonizing weeks to have all of this stuff done. During those 3 weeks I was back and forth between friends, my doula, and the dad telling them how nervous I was and then flip flopping to "If they have me coming back in 3 weeks then it must not be that big of a concern, right?" Very stressful to say the least.

My appointment finally arrived and my heart was pounding out of my chest! To make a long story much shorter they didn't see anything wrong. And just as was assumed before since me and the dad are obviously not white and my genetic test results were low risk, the tech and genetic counselor had no concerns about baby's growth and development. Everything checked out just fine.

Me and dad breathed a HUGE sigh of relief and went out to eat lol. It only seemed right!

I won't lie though. We still express to each other some concern about his health and well being after birth. I think what happened regarding the ultrasound still really has us shook. Which is understandable. We are just really hoping for a healthy baby... As he tells me often.

As far as symptoms are concerned there still really weren't any from 15 weeks up until approximately 30.

I've been gaining back the weight lost in the first trimester and packing on more pounds. Belly noticeably getting bigger. Everything's all good.

I am definitely carrying much lower than I have with my others. I've not once felt him in my ribs at all. By about 29/30 weeks I noticed that I "dropped" and as the weeks progress he continues to "drop."

Since baby has dropped I feel the aches and pains all in my pelvis. SO! MUCH! PRESSURE! Turning in and getting out of the bed is the absolute worst!

My feet have swollen sooo much! They are huge. I never experienced swelling to that extent. The dad says, "That's what a Jones baby will do to you!" *Rolls eyes* Apparently it's happened when his other kids were being carried as well. At first the swelling was just embarrassing, but then my feet and ankles began to feel tender/hurt. Luckily I do not have preeclampsia or anything concerning. My feet are just swollen. I try to put them up as soon as I get home and drown myself in water as well as sleep on my left side. It helps a little,but not much.

I've also experienced spotty bouts of heartburn. Nothing like what I experienced with my oldest and youngest. Nowhere near! They are short lived as well. I can never predict when it will happen based on what I eat. I can eat Popeye's chicken and then the next day have a fudge round and experience heartburn with the fudge round. So weird. I am not complaining though!

I think that may be it for right now. I just had to update. I am literally 4 weeks out and just left yall hanging. I have more blog posts to put up more frequently. So please, please stay tuned!

Saturday, July 7, 2018

Idk Wtf I Want, Lol?

I can probably assure you that these are my hormones talking, but I just want to be happy with a partner, you know? I'm not talking about being together forever. As I've stated in the past I'm not sure if forever is what I want. In fact I'm totally fine if things don't last forever because I just want what works. I enjoy company and I don't regret spending time with people that I'm not "exclusive" with because I feel like passing time (and enjoying it) with someone is not wasting time.

However!!! I look at some of my friends in relationships.... I'm not going to pretend as if there aren't any "problems," but their relationships seems fresh, not one-sided, not forced, free, quirky... Just everything I would imagine mine to be. I think maybe the closest I've come to that was J, but they had other plans and I mean it's whatever. I just want something longterm or at least know what it feels like. I've been in enough forced relationships where I know when it's time to go, so don't think I'm just looking for longevity simply for the sake of longevity.

I don't feel like I've felt the pureness of having a relationship with someone yet. I want to know what it's like to part ways and not have any ill feelings towards my ex partner.

Maybe one day soon.

Sunday, June 24, 2018

A Really Difficult Day

I know that I've been M.I.A. with the pregnancy update entries. I've just had a lot of things going on both involving my pregnancy and other things.

I've also felt really vulnerable these past few weeks. Not the good type of vulnerable. I felt exposed. You know when I do these blogposts I realize that people that I may know may read them. I mean I do have some entries that are very detailed and if the right one reads them then they'll know that it was by me and about them. While I do blog under an alias I am not completely anonymous. However there are certain people that you don't want reading "your stuff." Even if it is public. Anyway, despite that I am mustering up enough courage to type this entry.

I am very exhausted. Physically, emotionally, and every other way....

As told in a previous entry my daughter's father raped me. Was it a brutal event where I was beaten bloody, or drugged, or anything of the sorts? No. But even though I revoked my consent he refused to honor it. And as explained before the reality of what he's done to me and the power he was still able to maintain over me by dragging me to and from court for over a year as a means of punishment for demanding what is owed to my daughter was (and still is) traumatizing.

The custody battle concluded with him abandoning the process and he up and disappeared for good out of my daughter's life. I do feel that he was not good for her and do feel that she is better off without him, but in an effort to try to hurt me he chose to not pick her up on his day of visitation and she hasn't seen or heard from him since.

Of course I have to deal with the backlash alone because I'm the only one there. But now it's becoming too much. Her anger is absolutely out of control. It results in her hurting people and breaking things. I attempted to have her admitted to a psychiatric hospital and each time I've called the hotline they've given me reason why she really doesn't need to be admitted. I know that I can take her in at any time, but I am really looking for a bit of guidance on what to do.

Furthermore, I'm feeling a ton of resentment now. I truly, truly feel that I wish I never had her. I am angry at her dad for putting me in the situation to have gotten pregnant. If he would have stopped when I told him to then I would not have gotten pregnant. If he thought it wasn't okay to have sex with girls fresh out of high school when he was well over 20 then I would not have to deal with this. It's way too much and I'm ready to give up on my daughter.

What makes it even worse is that I have no support from anyone. None consistent anyway. My family are very self-righteous. They respond with things like "you need to do better" or "I'd handle it differently." When I do ask for help they pawn me off on another family member by saying, "Oh ask___. They'll know." Or straight up say I can't help... You know... After offering their help. And as a result I've stopped all communication with them. I'm tired of being let down. I'm just tired.

She has a psychiatric appointment tomorrow and I don't even feel patient enough to wait. I'm debating whether to take her in now. If I do wait until tomorrow then I refuse to leave until I get a script for her.

Fuck thinking about it or giving it some time. Give her meds or I will admit her tomorrow. She needs help.

Wednesday, April 18, 2018

Last Time Mom Series: 14-15 Weeks

I'm so late on posting! Life's just been happening and I'm preparing for a little getaway with my kids. So a lot of that time has been dedicated to work, packing, cleaning the house, and just a bunch of other stuff. On top of that I'm still tired and moving a bit slower than usual.

During these 2 weeks I had my 2nd prenatal appointment! I got a chance to hear my baby for the first time! The heartbeat was 145.

For those into old wives tales what would you bet the sex is based on the heartbeat?

I was also asked if I wanted to have the Panorama Test done. Now the Panorama is a type of NIPT test. NIPT stands for non-invasive prenatal test. It's a blood test that is used to detect the risk for certain genetic disorders. It also allows you to know the sex of your baby before the 20 week anatomy scan!

And guess what?? The medical assistant was not able to get any blood. She was adamant about going for one vein that I knew rolled, but she kept saying "This is such a good vein!" It resulted in her not being able to get anything and I had to come back the next week on Monday since this appointment was on a Friday. So I came back on Monday and the same medical assistant was there to draw my blood. I kept saying to myself "If she tries to go for that same vein again!" And sure enough she went for that same vein. We finally went to the hospital phlebotomist who effortlessly filled the tubes by using a totally different vein that the medical assistant absolutely refused to try. Sooo.... the wait game is on!

The day after my prenatal appointment I felt movement! Aww!

I've been feeling a lot better these weeks. Hopefully this keeps up! I really don't have an icky feeling. No nausea. However I will say that I've been throwing up about every morning. This is because every morning when I brush my teeth there is this phlegm in the back of my throat. It's nothing that you're able to swallow (gross I know!) and I can't blow it out of my nose either. I HAVE to spit it out, but when I do so it makes me throw up. I have to get it out though. It's so nasty. But since it happens in the morning I don't throw up much. I often drink a ton of water before getting out of bed, so what I'm throwing back up is literally water.

Now, I've noticed that my ankles are starting to swell. Nothing drastic, but it's very noticeable since I'm petite anyway.

Yall, the anticipation was killing me! I went to Target to pick up my free baby bag (I'll be posting that review shortly) and I just could not resist! I made a beeline for the baby section and picked up some gender neutral onesies and bibs. I also bought a few bras and a belly band.

Let me tell yall about this belly band. First of all I need to get more! I don't know what I was thinking during my other pregnancies, but it would have saved me a lot of money. Maternity pants are expensive and don't fit me properly! They're always saggy in the butt. Not cute! I am now able to wear my pants that I can't zip up. It holds them in place perfectly.

I also have my maternity leave squared away! My job offers company paid short term disability for 6 weeks. It will probably take a week from the time that I go into the hospital for it to be disbursed. So for the first week I will have to use a week's worth of pto which is fine. Right now I have more than a week's worth so I should be good. Once the short term disability kicks in then I'll be getting paid at the rate of 60% of my base pay, but this will be okay because my job gives the option of applying for hospital idemnity. This is an insurance that will pay out $2600 for having to stay in the hospital. It's disbursed as one lump sum and will cover the remaining 40% for the 6 weeks of my short term disability. My company also started a new program called, "Baby Bonding Time." After short term disability is up it will allow me to use up to 12 additional weeks of time at home with my baby. It doesn't have to be used consecutively and can be used at any time up until the baby's first birthday. I can either work shorter days or stay out the entire time, but for the first 4 weeks the company will pay me my base pay at 100%. The rest of the time is unpaid. I do plan to use those 4 weeks after my short term disability is over as well as an additional week. I plan to be off for 12 weeks (3 months). I'll be leaving once I go into labor and come back to work after the New Year. Good deal, right?

I'm also still in close contact with my doula and just talked to her about my fears and things. She's so sweet and she helped me work through it.

That's about it for those 2 weeks. I'm so interested to know what the sex of my baby will be! So please stay tuned. Omg I can't wait!

Also stay tuned on my travelling blog as well. I plan to blog about our trip to Los Angeles, California. I will be vlogging on Youtube as well!

Tuesday, April 3, 2018

Free Noobie Baby Box

Noobie Baby Box!!!

So I received this baby box a few weeks ago that I ordered online. This was yet another FREE baby box.
Now this box I did have to pay for shipping, but it was only $6.95. This only covers the cost of shipping. Everything in the box was free.

All you have to do is click this link here:
You will then choose the link right underneath the Noobie logo that says "Free Pregnancy Box"
You'll then have to register on their site.
After you register it will prompt you to buy other boxes. Only do this if you want to. You are not obligated to purchase anything.

The first thing in my box was a gender-neutral terry sleeper. It wasn't some off-brand cheap one either. This one was from Carter's.

Next received saline nasal drops. Honestly I've never used these before and I'm not sure if I'll ever used them. But it's good to have things in my stash.

OH! Here's something for mommy! I'll test out how the belly oil works. I already have stretch marks on my tummy from past pregnancies so I'm not sure how much it will help. Doesn't hurt to try.
I also look forward to using this anti-blemish wash. I know that it's for your face, but I am going to use it on my chest. While my chest is no longer breaking out I do have scars now. Hopefully it clears them up.

Now, I plan to cloth diaper this go round, but will use disposable diapers when out and likely when baby goes to daycare. So, samples are ALWAYS welcome!

I've never heard of these types of wipes until I start looking up baby boxes, but it seems parents really like and prefer them. I'll definitely be trying these.

I received a sample size of aquaphor. This is probably something I'll keep in my diaper for on the go. Especially since these types of ointments aren't recommended when using cloth diapers.

I also received more breast pads and milk storage bags! Always a win!

I will back shortly with more free baby boxes that all moms can and should take advantage of!

Tuesday, March 27, 2018

Last Time Mom Series 12-13 Weeks

At the completion of 13 weeks I'm officially in my second trimester! Yayy!!!

Wow! It's crazy to say that I'm already beginning my second trimester.

Honestly weeks 12 and 13 were a blur. I can't distinguish one week from the other so I'll just discuss my symptoms as I remember them.

My nausea has decreased so much. I still have an icky feeling, but even that is not as bad as it has been in the previous weeks. I do, however, still throw up. Not daily, but I do notice that I get the urge to do so when I'm extremely hungry. Why do I choose to wait that long? Most of it has to do with my tiredness. I'm really tired and don't want to get up to cook something. Once I do get the strength to do so then the smell of the food that I'm cooking turns my stomach to the point of throwing up. I work really hard to keep myself from doing so, but funny enough once I throw up I feel SO relieved!

I don't really have cravings anymore. I may have a want to eat something when a certain dish is discussed, but on my own I don't have he strong urge to want to eat a certain type of food anymore.

I can better tolerate sweets these days. The after taste is still there though so I either have to drown myself with water, eat something to counter the sweet aftertaste or chew gum.

I'm still spitting! It is the most disgusting feeling. I really hope it ends soon. Luckily gum helps only after I've chewed it until it's almost hard. But the coating generates so much spit that it's unreal!

I'm still not really showing. Just a lot of bloat. I am still the same size. Now, I do feel a difference in how my pants fit. My smaller size pants that I've been able to fit into before I now can't wear. This is only apparent to me though. My stomach does poke out a little, but it is just bloat because if I suck it in it looks like my normal stomach. It's making me question if I'm still pregnant, but I am sure everything is still okay. If anything I should be happy. Less money to spend on and less time to wear maternity clothes.

I haven't been able to take my iron pills. The directions wants me to take them on an empty stomach, with something really light like one cracker, or 1-2 hours after a meal. I tried taking it with something really light but I noticed that it made me really nauseous to the point of throwing up so I haven't taken it since. I have tried to eat leafy green vegetables more even though I know it's not as good as taking an iron pill. I'm going to talk to my midwife about what I should do about that. With that said I know before taking my iron pills I was really lethargic. After starting them (even though I quit later) I haven't been feeling as tired as before.

That's about it for now. I will see you all in the next couple of weeks.

Sunday, March 18, 2018

BabyList Hello Baby Box

I received my first baby box!

Let me preface by saying that I had no clue about these during my past pregnancies. I wish I would have, but I'm going to make up for it this pregnancy. And it was totally free!!!

Before I go into what's in the box let me give you the steps to obtain your own BabyList Hello Baby Box. It's really easy!

  • Go to the website:
  • Build your registry. You will need to add only 3 items to your registry from baby list's site and 3 more items from a separate site. It is very easy.
  • Make sure that your mailing address is correct.
  • You should get a notification via the website and your email almost immediately that you've completed all necessary steps and that your baby box will ship soon. Just that simple!

Now let's get to what's inside!!

I was greeted with a welcome card from BabyList giving me tips on what to add to my registry with them and how to navigate their site.

First up was a Pampers pouch. Inside was a sample newborn diaper, a sample pack of wipes, a sample pack of Dreft baby detergent, and a booklet of Pampers coupons.

Next up is a $50 Urban Sitter gift card. This is actually very helpful! about a year ago someone had shared this site with me and I scanned it briefly, but I'll definitely save this for a future much needed date night once baby is here.

This item was interesting. I didn't quite understand what it was at first. I knew that it was a feeding system, but I never had experience with this one in particular.
It's called the Kiinde Twist Direct-Pump Breast Milk Collection, Storage, and Feeding System Starter Pack. It's reminiscent of (yet not exactly like) the Playtex drop in liners which I used with all of my children.
It also included a coupon for a FREE pack of pouches like the one pictured above. So that's great. I plan to order them.

The baby box came with sample sizes of Cetaphil brand baby shampoo, baby wash, baby lotion, diaper rash cream. This pack of samples also included skin cleanser and lotion for mommy. Yay! Something for me!

I found this great as I plan to breastfeed. Included were samples of the Lansinoh breast pads as well as milk storage bags. I used these during all of my pregnancies and plan to use them this pregnancy as well. So I get to start my stash a little early!

Lastly was a stack of cards that I can pass out to people notifying them of where they can access my registry.

Please keep following! Since I've become aware of these baby boxes I've signed up for ALL of them! So stay tuned!