Harassed By An Uber Driver For Being A Single Mother

An update was in the works... (It's still coming and very exciting!) But I felt it necessary to share my not so good experiences with Uber.

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So this evening I decided to take a trip to the movies with a friend of mine because I needed a little time away with adults.

I caught an Uber to the theater to meet up with my friend all the while anticipating a bomb ass show.

So imagine my anger when a very light conversation turned into my driver shaming me.

It started with me apologizing for running a minute late out of the house. He didn't DESERVE an explanation, but I lightheartedly told him that my brother was a little behind in getting to my house to watch my kids. Innocent enough, right?

He goes and asks, "Are you a single mother?"

I answered.... "Ummm... yes?"

And it was all downhill from there. I spent an entire ride listening to him tell me how it's a woman's fault for deciding to have kids with someone who willingly up and leaves. Mind you he has no clue about my situation as I hadn't volunteered any in depth information about why I'm a single mother. He doesn't know if whether my kids father has died, if whether I'm a victim of rape, etc. He just doesn't know.

He goes on to tell me that I need to look in the mirror and figure out why he left because having kids is 90% a woman's choice. And he was very vulgar while saying this.

Could I have said something? Yep. I almost bit a hole thru my tongue though. Why? Because I don't know this "man" from shit. My protest could have got me missing. And going by his tone I felt forced to stay silent.

When I finally made it to the theater I was shaking mad. I'm sure my friend could see it. I spent the entire preview time trying to write up this report.

Luckily I enjoyed myself at the movies despite it all.

When I got in the car with my friend, I received a message from Uber saying that they are sorry for my experience and that they'll credit my $5 towards a trip. 5??? I want my entire trip fare back for having to endure such harassment.

How tf does Uber even think that was acceptable? I don't want a credit. I want my money back and that fool to be dealt with.

**Update** I wrote Uber back saying this: "A $5 credit is unacceptable. This is not the first time I've experienced inappropriate behavior from an Uber driver, but today is the first time I've reported. Today was the last straw and ruined what should have been a good time. Instead of enjoying myself I was busy trying to calm myself down from a confusing, hostile and hurtful experience and missing parts of the movie to try to recount my horrible experience. The very least you could do is refund me my entire trip. He also needs to be let go. He does not know me at all. And the fact that he felt comfortable enough to talk to me this way is a huge problem. There's no telling what other type vile and hurtful things he's said to other women passengers"

Uber's response? That they'll credit me an extra $10.

No! Still not good enough. I want accountability for your driver and for you all to refund me back my money because I plan to never use Uber again!

I listen to (as I'm sure other single mothers listen to) and read from people everyday how they are to blame for this and that.... How they are unlovable, damaged, etc. While I don't need not a one damn man to prove my worth or to have around just to say there's a physical presence of a male.... That experience sent me to a place that I've worked hard for years to get out of for so many reasons that ppl have no clue about.

Uber and this bitch ass nigga owe down

To those who are reading I'm open to listening to your stories. Uber must be held accountable.

A Not So Happy Mother's Day

First off I want to say Happy Mothers Day to everyone!

Unfortunately I'll be spending my Mother's Day in a huge corporate office alone because the "father" of my oldest daughter continues to drag me to court. In order for me to make my hearing tomorrow and not use PTO I will have to make up my hours on Mothers Day instead.

What I wanted to focus on in this post though is this need by both men and women to degrade and shame women on a day that's meant to acknowledge their hard work and sacrifice.

I want to preface this post by saying that I'm not without fault because I used to do this too. I used to dedicate about 4 or 5 posts as well as invite myself onto other people's post to debate them. Out of order and out of line. I'm sure if you were to go back far enough on my facebook profile you'll find those very posts.

Being forced to realize things for what they are due to my current situation has taught me that I did not know what the fuck I was talking about.

I have no right to tell a woman how she should identify herself and what she should call herself because I for damn sure know that a mother does not one day wake up and say, "I think I'm going to boot my child's father out of her life and start calling myself her father instead."

That's not how this works. That's not how any of this works!

This belief by those who are adamant about telling women who they are and aren't is usually followed up by, "You knew who he was when you decided to have a baby. You chose him! Deal with it!"

This hurts me and in turn I hurt for all who have been abused, whose children's lives have been in danger, those who are being manipulated in ways by the father that makes it difficult to give their children what they need. At this point it doesn't matter who chose who. We will NOT make the mother the reason for a deadbeat being a deadbeat.

In my instance my child's father chose me. What do I mean by that? I mean he preyed on me. When I became of age he raped me. My daughter is a result of this. My entire story is explained here: http://sbmmemoirs.blogspot.com/2016/04/i-was-raped-by-my-daughters-father.html

Furthermore I get minimal help on his behalf and am being tormented with multiple court hearings in an effort for him not to care for his daughter. I have earned every right to call myself both mother and father whenever I feel like it.

Some of you need to get the fuck out of your self righteous feelings and realize that your crusade to shame women for something that you didn't have to go through is problematic as fuck.

I Just Wanna Give Up!

I have a friend on Facebook who is also a single mother of color. She is very open and honest about her struggles with being a single mother and I adore her for being brave enough to post what I'm afraid to say as it relates to motherhood/single parenthood.

Amid her bravery it really hurt me to see the struggle she has to endure. It really hit me hard last nite to see that she was having a very difficult time trying to stay afloat financially and mentally. I could identify with her frustration and pain so much and in return felt horrible that I couldn't assist.

It also made me reflect on what I'm going through.... The whole being forced to care for my daughter alone and then punished and retaliated against when I decide to put my foot down and demand from my daughter's father what she needs. How he routinely gaslights me and puts me down (as he did last nite as well). Knowing that he can legally involve my daughter in a matter that can and has emotionally traumatized her in order to get out of providing for her as he should.

I've dealt with abuse, rape, shame, and so much more from childhood up until now. The most of my advice is to "not focus on the negative," "there are people who have it worse than you," "you're overreacting" "be happy that you're simply alive" How can I be happy to be alive when I feel as though I'm dying inside? I am tired and just want to give up.

But you know what I'm going to do? Keep going. Not because I'm not tired.... Not because I'm happy.... It's because a mother (especially a single mother of color) being open about her struggles are so demonized that if I show any sign of distress that I'll be punished for saying so.

What a fucked up world we live in.

Don't Sexualize My Daughter... The Reality of Raising Young Black Girls

When I finally think I got this parenting thing down I'm always hit with something that I didn't see coming... You know, growing up as a girl into a woman I was always pulled to the side and told "Don't dress like that because I don't want grown men looking at you." "You don't need to be around those boys. Go find some girls to play with." "Here, go change into these clothes." *hands me oversized tshirt and baggy shorts* "Stop being fast and get off of the phone with those boys." *gets hair cut short* "You look grown." *watching news report of molestation of a young girl* "See, thats why girls need to stop dressing like this/acting like that. Then these things would stop happening."

*sigh* I could go on and on with my own personal experiences as growing up as a young girl... A young black girl. I'm sure many of you (now women) can say that you've heard the same things growing up. I can also say that many hold true to those things as damaging as they are.

It wasn't until recently, that I began wondering "How did I make it to womanhood unscathed despite the constant shame?" I'd be lying to say that that I was unscathed. In fact I'm still trying to deconstruct my mind from the years and years of shame that was hurled at me under the guise of protection and learning what it takes to become a woman.

I never knew that adults were to be held accountable for their actions towards a child. I never knew that even if she "wanted it" it was indeed sexual abuse to engage sexually with a child. I never knew that it's always rape and sexual misconduct even if she wore something revealing or if she didn't have to be physically forced. I never knew.

Despite all of the shame disguised as protection, the truth was that I was vulnerable. So vulnerable that I would have been likely to blame myself if I were to have been taken advantage of by an adult.

Fast forward to now...

The reality of this problem didn't fully come to a head until I allowed my daughter to dance. This girl LOVES to dance. She's not on a dance team at the moment because I have other priorities to tend to, but you wouldn't know it by looking at her. She is constantly dancing. She will dance in the grocery store, on our walk to school, at home. She'd dance herself to sleep if I let her!

She often says, and I quote, "Dancing is my life!"

So you can imagine how my blood boiled when I was approached by this guy that I know who found my facebook page. At the time I had a picture of my daughter in some pants and her dance team's crop top as my profile picture. He proceeded to give me his unsolicited opinion... "That's why I don't let my daughter do this kind of stuff. These girls are too fast. I don't like that. I don't want grown men looking at her. My daughter could never do that and dress like that."

My response to him was.... "I'm sorry that your daughter will never be able to experience anything like dance. I feel bad for her that her daddy would rather make it seem as if young girls are only dancing and dressing up to turn men on rather than dancing because it's something that they enjoy. Please stay away from my page."

In that moment I was reminded of everything that was pounded in my head as soon as my parents noticed my growing body and new interests. I was never allowed to cheerlead for the same perverted reasons that this guy said he'd never allow his daughter to dance.

For these reasons I gave up on a lot as a young girl, because my innocence was so sexualized that I could not take pride in things that interested me.

I refuse to be the reason why my daughter gives up on her dream of being a dance teacher.

I refuse to sexualize or shame my children's actions.