Have You Been Impacted By The Equifax Breach?

In this day and age where most everything rests on your credit score it is imperative that you constantly monitor your credit. It weighs even heavier for single parents.

Equifax is currently under fire for it's data breach.

I want everyone to be as safe as possible.

Here are some really easy steps to see if you have been impacted by this breach. (Sidenote: Please don't come for my battery life! It's charging!)

First, you'll want to type in the website highlighted down below:

You'll come to a page that looks like this. Mind you I'm on the mobile site, so the layout may be a little different if you do this from your desktop.

You'll want to scroll down to the bottom of the page and click on the link that reads "Potential Impact" as shown below.

Once you've clicked on "Potential Impact" you'll want to scroll to the bottom of the next page where you'll see a link titled "Check Potential Impact"

The next page will prompt you to enter your last name and the last 6 digits of your social security number.

The next page will reveal whether you've been impacted by the breach. In my case my personal information was compromised by the breach.

So why did I say "NO!" to enrolling?

Well, it's believed that it would opt you out of the class action lawsuit against Equifax. Whether this is true or not I personally do not trust the protection of someone who was just recently hacked. There are other methods of protecting your identity.

In the meantime keep your eyes and ears open about further developments regarding this matter.

Harassed By An Uber Driver For Being A Single Mother

An update was in the works... (It's still coming and very exciting!) But I felt it necessary to share my not so good experiences with Uber.

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So this evening I decided to take a trip to the movies with a friend of mine because I needed a little time away with adults.

I caught an Uber to the theater to meet up with my friend all the while anticipating a bomb ass show.

So imagine my anger when a very light conversation turned into my driver shaming me.

It started with me apologizing for running a minute late out of the house. He didn't DESERVE an explanation, but I lightheartedly told him that my brother was a little behind in getting to my house to watch my kids. Innocent enough, right?

He goes and asks, "Are you a single mother?"

I answered.... "Ummm... yes?"

And it was all downhill from there. I spent an entire ride listening to him tell me how it's a woman's fault for deciding to have kids with someone who willingly up and leaves. Mind you he has no clue about my situation as I hadn't volunteered any in depth information about why I'm a single mother. He doesn't know if whether my kids father has died, if whether I'm a victim of rape, etc. He just doesn't know.

He goes on to tell me that I need to look in the mirror and figure out why he left because having kids is 90% a woman's choice. And he was very vulgar while saying this.

Could I have said something? Yep. I almost bit a hole thru my tongue though. Why? Because I don't know this "man" from shit. My protest could have got me missing. And going by his tone I felt forced to stay silent.

When I finally made it to the theater I was shaking mad. I'm sure my friend could see it. I spent the entire preview time trying to write up this report.

Luckily I enjoyed myself at the movies despite it all.

When I got in the car with my friend, I received a message from Uber saying that they are sorry for my experience and that they'll credit my $5 towards a trip. 5??? I want my entire trip fare back for having to endure such harassment.

How tf does Uber even think that was acceptable? I don't want a credit. I want my money back and that fool to be dealt with.

**Update** I wrote Uber back saying this: "A $5 credit is unacceptable. This is not the first time I've experienced inappropriate behavior from an Uber driver, but today is the first time I've reported. Today was the last straw and ruined what should have been a good time. Instead of enjoying myself I was busy trying to calm myself down from a confusing, hostile and hurtful experience and missing parts of the movie to try to recount my horrible experience. The very least you could do is refund me my entire trip. He also needs to be let go. He does not know me at all. And the fact that he felt comfortable enough to talk to me this way is a huge problem. There's no telling what other type vile and hurtful things he's said to other women passengers"

Uber's response? That they'll credit me an extra $10.

No! Still not good enough. I want accountability for your driver and for you all to refund me back my money because I plan to never use Uber again!

I listen to (as I'm sure other single mothers listen to) and read from people everyday how they are to blame for this and that.... How they are unlovable, damaged, etc. While I don't need not a one damn man to prove my worth or to have around just to say there's a physical presence of a male.... That experience sent me to a place that I've worked hard for years to get out of for so many reasons that ppl have no clue about.

Uber and this bitch ass nigga owe down

To those who are reading I'm open to listening to your stories. Uber must be held accountable.

Self Care No Longer Taking A Back Seat

As single mothers. Especially black single mothers we are often always expected to always love our job as being mothers. That's not to say that we don't love our children, but I'm talking about the job of being a mother and being forced to parent alone. It is hard work. And we are expected to love every minute of it.

We are expected to never regret. We are expected to be strong. We are expected to roll with the punches and never complain about the "life we chose."

I am here to say it's okay NOT to be strong. At least by society's standards. While we are mothers and often have to carry the entire load on our own, we are allowed to feel frustration. We are allowed to feel defeat. We are allowed to cry. We are allowed to question why. We are allowed to take time set boundaries, protect our energy, and create safe places to vent those frustrations. We are allowed to take time to care for ourselves physically and mentally. And in that safe place come up with workable solutions that will make mothering a bit easier to navigate through.

I decided to take my own advice and began going to see a therapist.

It was a HUGE and very difficult decision for me to make. Even after reaching out to the therapist I still debated up until my ride out to her office whether I wanted to actually go through with it. And with all of the stigmas attached to doing things like this especially in the black community as well as the mindset that single black mothers are expected to be invincible. You can see why it was such a hard decision.

I want to share with you all the moment in which I realized "I need to take care of me."

It was a few hours before my shift started.

I just dropped the kids off at school. I made myself some breakfast, ate, and cleaned up a bit.

After I cleaned up the house I decided to light an incense and sat in my room to take a quick breather because around that time I was working from 2pm until 8pm. Then would work again that evening from 10pm until 2am every weekday. Unfortunately in the other room I didn't realize that part of my incense somehow began burning through some paper that I had nearby. I didn't know this until I decided to get up (a little refreshed from finally being able to sit down and rest) and walked into the living room. I was surprised to see that my living room was full of thick white smoke yet no actual fire. I quickly put out my incense and opened my balcony window to let the smoke out.

All the while I was really confused as to how the papers began burning with the incense sitting in the holder and why I couldn't smell the smoke at all being that my bedroom is the closest room to the living room. Surely with that much smoke it would have hit my bedroom first. Secondly my smoke detector did not go off at all. So if there was indeed a real fire consuming my living room I would not have even known.

Those thoughts sent me into a panic and I began really working myself up into a crying fit over the fact that I really truly don't have help in all of this when it comes to raising children. I actually said to myself in that moment "I can't. I can't do this by myself anymore. Something needs to change. I need help."

Why? Because I am clearly overwhelmed and I put my needs and self care on the back burner. And this manifests itself in many harmful ways. I needed something that would help me safely advocate for my self care. Because if I'm not right then my babies aren't.

So I contacted my therapist that same day. And she quickly responded.

This was the best decision I could have ever made for myself. It is sooo important to have that safe place for you to vent and come up with workable solutions. It is so important.

I know it can be difficult when you're dealing with all types of barriers and stigmas, but I really do recommend looking into having one. You don't have to have "problems" to seek one out. They can give you a different perspective which may aid in you doing things that you otherwise thought you couldn't.

Even if therapy isn't the route. It's just always important to make time for you. Create that safe space and tend to your needs.

Keep Space by Ms. Wrights Way (link below)

Ah.... One of the hardest things about parenting alone... Its like you have to block out everything to keep sane, but in the process you constantly (most times unknowingly in the moment) reject your kids love... When in fact their love is really the only thing that matters... To me at least. My kids are all I have and there are no conditions to their love for me despite my blocking everything out (sometimes including them).

This video was really special to me and reminded in the midst if all that I'm dealing with right now that I can't shut my babies out. I cried as I watched and I'm crying as I type this because I know. I know all too well. This is a tough thing to balance all on your own. But it's imperative that we be attentive. Especially to the little ones that need us and love us no matter what.

Keep Space by Ms. Wrights Way

I Had An Emotional Breakdown The Other Day....

10 years into having my first child reality just really hit me. I am doing this all on my own. This realization wasn't without a crying fit. I am physically and emotionally tired. Every necessity provided, all of my guidance, my sacrifice, and well intentions are often questioned and scrutinized. Meanwhile the absent parent is praised for the few novelty things that they do.

I just moved into a new place and instead of enjoying my move I am incredibly stressed.

I love my kids, but without the proper support I am tired.

I know that I am not the only one who feels this way. Please feel free to vent your single mother frustrations here.

Stay tuned for my next post to see one of my many steps to relieve my frustrations. And remember don't ever feel guilty for doing what you need to do to provide for your children and to ease the stress of motherhood.

Don't Sexualize My Daughter... The Reality of Raising Young Black Girls

When I finally think I got this parenting thing down I'm always hit with something that I didn't see coming... You know, growing up as a girl into a woman I was always pulled to the side and told "Don't dress like that because I don't want grown men looking at you." "You don't need to be around those boys. Go find some girls to play with." "Here, go change into these clothes." *hands me oversized tshirt and baggy shorts* "Stop being fast and get off of the phone with those boys." *gets hair cut short* "You look grown." *watching news report of molestation of a young girl* "See, thats why girls need to stop dressing like this/acting like that. Then these things would stop happening."

*sigh* I could go on and on with my own personal experiences as growing up as a young girl... A young black girl. I'm sure many of you (now women) can say that you've heard the same things growing up. I can also say that many hold true to those things as damaging as they are.

It wasn't until recently, that I began wondering "How did I make it to womanhood unscathed despite the constant shame?" I'd be lying to say that that I was unscathed. In fact I'm still trying to deconstruct my mind from the years and years of shame that was hurled at me under the guise of protection and learning what it takes to become a woman.

I never knew that adults were to be held accountable for their actions towards a child. I never knew that even if she "wanted it" it was indeed sexual abuse to engage sexually with a child. I never knew that it's always rape and sexual misconduct even if she wore something revealing or if she didn't have to be physically forced. I never knew.

Despite all of the shame disguised as protection, the truth was that I was vulnerable. So vulnerable that I would have been likely to blame myself if I were to have been taken advantage of by an adult.

Fast forward to now...

The reality of this problem didn't fully come to a head until I allowed my daughter to dance. This girl LOVES to dance. She's not on a dance team at the moment because I have other priorities to tend to, but you wouldn't know it by looking at her. She is constantly dancing. She will dance in the grocery store, on our walk to school, at home. She'd dance herself to sleep if I let her!

She often says, and I quote, "Dancing is my life!"

So you can imagine how my blood boiled when I was approached by this guy that I know who found my facebook page. At the time I had a picture of my daughter in some pants and her dance team's crop top as my profile picture. He proceeded to give me his unsolicited opinion... "That's why I don't let my daughter do this kind of stuff. These girls are too fast. I don't like that. I don't want grown men looking at her. My daughter could never do that and dress like that."

My response to him was.... "I'm sorry that your daughter will never be able to experience anything like dance. I feel bad for her that her daddy would rather make it seem as if young girls are only dancing and dressing up to turn men on rather than dancing because it's something that they enjoy. Please stay away from my page."

In that moment I was reminded of everything that was pounded in my head as soon as my parents noticed my growing body and new interests. I was never allowed to cheerlead for the same perverted reasons that this guy said he'd never allow his daughter to dance.

For these reasons I gave up on a lot as a young girl, because my innocence was so sexualized that I could not take pride in things that interested me.

I refuse to be the reason why my daughter gives up on her dream of being a dance teacher.

I refuse to sexualize or shame my children's actions.